Joy Rising from Sadness

I walked along the ocean beach, feeling like a ghost—not entirely there. I missed Kim so badly. With apologies to those who love me, I had no desire to live anymore. I repeatedly said, “Lord, if you would, take me now.” And I meant it. But I also said, “My only reason to continue living is to become who you intend me be to be and to pursue the task you’ve given me to do.” Then I sensed the Lord’s response, “That’s exactly where I want you.”

It’s just like God to do this. Have you ever been at your lowest point, and the Spirit of God unmistakably met you there?

So in the midst of grief, all this is pointing me toward a new trajectory of more disciplined prayer, deeper connection with God, pursuing my own version of what Kim was in prayer and ministry, and fulfilling God’s calling and task for me.

Grief feels like cement being poured over me, flattening me and covering me. But at the same time I feel the grace of God gripping me and pulling me up through it—into the light. Joy in the midst of grief. God’s presence is giving me breath, a calling, and purpose.

I’m not asking for pity or condolence. I’m trying to express the unexpected experience of light piercing into darkness, life rising from death, joy welling up from grief. It’s all so experiential and real and life-impacting.

As I sometimes pray or worship or just get triggered during the day, I unexpectedly find myself weeping for missing Kim—but then it also becomes weeping for joy of the Lord at the same time. I’ve never experience this mix in such an intense way before. At first I wondered how this could be. Then I recognized that this kind of God’s grace comes on us when we deliberately choose to praise God despite our circumstances.

Whatever you may have been through in life, or whatever you may be going through now, know that connecting with God in prayer and continual awareness and practicing his presence can yield joy and hope rising from the very midst of sadness.

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Celebrating Christmas is end-of-year happy feelings and get-togethers. But it also celebrates God’s piercing a dark, hurting world and incarnating himself as a human, Jesus, who came to bring light.

May it be yours in abundance.

Art: Gerd Altmann | Pixaby