Joy Rising from Sadness
I walked along the ocean beach, feeling like a ghost—not entirely there. I missed Kim so badly. With apologies to those who love me, I had no desire to live anymore. I repeatedly said, “Lord, if you would, take me now.” And I meant it. But I also said, “My only reason to continue living is to become who you intend me be to be and to pursue the task you’ve given me to do.” Then I sensed the Lord’s response, “That’s exactly where I want you.” It’s just like God to do this. Have you ever been at your…
Light in the Tunnel
Have you ever felt this way: I feel as if I’m in a dark tunnel, yet I sense God’s presence with me. As in Psalm 23:4, walking through the valley of the shadow of death, God is with me. And in the surrounding darkness God’s presence is light around me. Still, in my human grief with half of me now gone, missing Kim sinks in. As the initial shock of her death wears off, and maintaining my composure is no longer essential for her sake, the grief actually gets worse. I miss her so much that sometimes I don’t have much interest…
Little Things As Other-Worldly Moments
Enough little things can add up to big things. In the wake of the Charlie Kirk assassination, anything I might say has already been said. I grieve for what’s become of our nation, and I hope for what might be. That said, these days I am left to see life and death from a minute point of view. Since Kim came home from the hospital in late July and recovered from the sepsis and other things that were taking her down, she has been stable and somewhat functional through August and early September, though her frailty, weakness, and pain are increasing. We…
Streams of Visitors
Have you ever watched streams of people come to visit a sick person? Even prior to the day that Kim went to the emergency room and we found she had almost died of sepsis and half a dozen other illnesses and complications—never mind the stage 4 widely metastasized pancreatic cancer—people visited her from nearby and from various places across the country. Nurses on the floor often asked, “Who are you? You have an endless stream of visitors.” Since she came home on hospice and has amazingly stabilized, the visitors have continued. I have been witnessing the powerful return on investment of a lifetime of…
In God’s Hands, Live or Die
Cancer was always been something other people had. Until it happened to us. Kim has pancreatic cancer, stage 4, widely metastasized. We only discovered it after the fact.After prolonged and stressful struggles with the insurance middle-man company, she started chemotherapy. But that is having complications too. At every test, assessment, or next step everything is worse than we thought. Yet from the very beginning God has spoken to us and sent people to show us that we are in his hands. Though pancreatic cancer has a 1 percent survival rate, and that’s with those who catch it early, we still do due diligence…
